While penguins everywhere are probably starting to sweat (figuratively and literally), those of us in Los Angeles are drinking in the warm winter rays as only Southern California can. With such unseasonably warm weather all around us (And with no sign of slowing down), the entire LA area is forced to start asking the tough question: WHAT’S UP NOW, AMERICA?!
That’s right, rest of the United States. You’ve been getting pretty down on us lately for crap like falling house prices, rolling blackouts, earthquakes, and people bringing a cache of guns to LAX on ‘accident’. Well maybe if you hurry, you’ll be able dig out from underneath your six-foot pile of snow and jealousy just in time to see the sun set on your post-apocolyptic lifestyle. Us, we’ll be sipping cervezas and waiting for the great orange ball to drop over the OCEAN. Yes, that’s right America, the OCEAN. Not Lake GetYourGoonie or some other backwater you swim in (see also: Lake Michigan), but a real, blue, tried-and-true ocean. And you know what?! I’m going to go swim in it, as soon as I’m done wording you up. Why? Because you can’t. I’m bringing my surf board, a 30-pack of Natty Ice, and I’m going to float off towards the horizon line like a viking funeral of awesomeness. And I’ll be wearing board shorts, because it’s 80 friggin degrees in the middle of January, America.
So you can keep your reasonable rent prices, your quality of living AND your vice presidential candidates. We’ll be over here voting to legalize weed for gay pregnant babies so they can get married in order to stop offshore drilling. And then after that we’re going to the beach. BECAUSE WE CAN.
Post by Farley Elliott (www.thesevenyearplan.com)
