"It's not me, it's you."
Sometimes you see a couple and you whisper to the person next to you “She is way too good for him,” and think about how they’d be so much better off on their own. In some cases both of them are awful people and they might as well just hang on to one another and sink into the abyss. Such is the case with Time Warner and AOL, but like it or not, AOL is back on the dating scene.
From CNN Money:
NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) — Time Warner unveiled plans Thursday to spin off AOL as an independent company, an end to the massive media media marriage formed in 2001.
“We believe that a separation will be the best outcome for both Time Warner and AOL,” said Time Warner (TWX, Fortune 500) chief executive Jeff Bewkes, in a prepared statement.
The 2001 merger between AOL and Time Warner was applauded at the time as a visionary attempt to meld old media with new media. But synergies between the two never materialized.
Let’s be real for a moment. AOL, we had some good times. You gave me the opportunity to lock up my family’s phone lines for hours at a time while I searched for Smashing Pumpkins guitar tabs and fake nude pictures of 80′s celebrities. You allowed me to add all of my friends to my buddy list so that I could pretend to maintain a social life during my hours of web surfing. When you said Welcome, I felt welcome. When you told me I had mail that was like handing me a hundred dollar bill. Times were good.
Then you got a little clingy. There I said it. I wanted to hang out with other friends like DSL, and you felt the need to insert yourself into every situation. You made me feel guilty for saying things like “I’m actually going surfing with DSL today.” You tried to convince me time and time again that surfing with DSL would be a much better experience if I brought you along, and you even had the gall to ask me to pay you to do so. It was too much.
Then in 2001, when I and everyone I know that didn’t get pregnant straight out of high school stopped calling you, you meet up with Time Warner, the Spencer Pratt of the business world. Maybe this was fine though, you were both wandering the world looking for consumers to take advantage of, and you found each other. You convincing housewives that they need the AOL interface to protect their kids from the evils of the internet, and Time Warner protecting kids from getting any sort of content from cable television because half the time it flat out doesn’t work.
It was the kind of relationship people were fine with because at least you weren’t nagging us to hang out anymore. You had a new demographic and we were taking protective measures before sex and not wearing sweatpants to the mall in an effort to avoid becoming a part of it. Honestly, the sad part is that Time Warner was the breaker upper in this situation. Time Warner is actually paying Google their 5% just so you won’t drag your feet when you should be packing your bags.
It’s a rough day AOL, and I feel for you. Not enough to call, but enough to write this open letter. There are other fish in the sea.. other fish that are also floundering and trying to survive in an online world that clearly does not want or need them. I’ve seen Yahoo crying in his beer at The Joker. Maybe shoot over an IM.
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