Last night we headed out east to the DWP Holiday Light Festival. It sounded like a nice thing to do before heading home for the holidays. As far as I (and a few others I overheard talking) understood, you stand in line for a bus shuttle at the LA Zoo parking lot, and the bus shuttles you to the light festival. I had heard that parking was a nightmare, so it’s best to take the shuttle. Bus transportation is on the bottom of my list for means of transportation in LA (I’m that guy that walks in LA) but hey, if it could get me to some lights, I’m in.
Everyone is told that the shuttle starts running at 5pm. No. The shuttles (retired city buses) let people board and then sit there idling (engine on – “DWP is going green” my ass) for 30 minutes. Seriously, people sat on buses for 30 minutes. The kids on the buses got pretty restless, going all monkey crazy and salivating on the windows. At least 6 dads asked the staff what the hold up was, but the drivers just blamed the bus in front of them.
Finally the “shuttles” started moving. These shuttles do not shuttle you to anywhere other than Hell. The DWP Holiday Light Festival is a one mile stretch of road that is lit up with LA area attractions depicted in holiday lights. The shuttle drives you past them twice. This is not a shuttle, this is a bus ride. The DWP Holiday Bus Ride. That’s what this is. The real kicker was that when you are riding down the road, you see people walking up and down the road, having a great time, just 40 yards from where you boarded this awful bus experience. What you also see is insane bumper to bumper traffic going in the opposite direction. People said things like “Wow look at that traffic going in,” “I’m sure the bus has a different route that it uses to go back,” “The bus will probably drop us off on the other side so we can walk back if we want.” Not happening Jack. The whole bus was in utter disbelief as we took a U-Turn that shuttled us right into that bumper to bumper traffic. I approached our driver Carlos, and asked him if I could get out of the bus so I could just walk back. He said “No you get off where you got on, if you get off everyone will want to get off.” I told him that I felt sick (of sitting in traffic) and since we weren’t moving and there were outhouses right outside the bus this would be a good time for me to escape. He said “No you stay on the bus, if you get off everyone wants to get off.” I told him that it seemed like everyone was actually enjoying sitting in traffic and that I was probably the only one that wanted off the bus, but he wouldn’t budge. So there I sat for 30 minutes, in traffic, kidnapped by the DWP. Kids cried, dads pointed out things in the lights that we’d just seen going the other way, people kept talking about how ridiculous it was that we were sitting in traffic, I played Connect Four on my iPhone, the guy in front of me mentioned that everyone there must be here for the first time because no one would ever do this a second time. True.
According to the website, there are apparently days for biking through this exhibit or even riding horses. If for some reason you see yourself being dragged to the DWP Holiday Light Festival, do not take the shuttle. It will only shuttle you to misery.
PS: Screw you Carlos.
