I chose this lazy part of the summer time to talk about schedules. You heard me- tick tock.
I was just listening to my 30-something year old male friend talk about his life schedule and his recent dates with women in LA. He’s been saying for a while that he’s ready to settle down and hasn’t found the right lady. I thought my ears deceived me with certain things that came out of his mouth during this conversation over afternoon tea with another gal pal of our’s. He said things like– “then she reached into her purse and pulled out a tiny statue and started talking to it”.
They say timing is everything, so a lady should know about her own clock. I’m not talking about your biological clock either. That’s a topic that doesn’t interest me.
I’m here to discuss your personal timing. All this goes for men too. You might say this won’t happen to you, that you’ll defy these generalities, but it’s good to be aware of the possibility of these life and relationship cycles, so they don’t sneak up on you.
Going over the hill: It’s like a second puberty- even those of you who everyone claims to have a “hollow-leg” could get the freshman 15 and then some. Metabolism really does change. Your body will morph again. Even if you’ve spent all of your twenties eating what you want, it will now begin to show differently, at another rate. I’ve seen people try to prevent this- one girl who grew up in Hollywood would constantly pound caffeine (coffee, then energy drinks all day) so that she was always in the bathroom. It did other weird things to her body. Eating better and exercise (even though you may look goofy doing it and it might not be “cool” for you bar dwellers) really is the key to taking care of yourself.
Saturn Return: 28-32 everything changes supposedly – your job, mate, maybe even where you live. There are a few books out about it. The Saturn Sisters from Elle UK give a fantastic run-down on it.
The following are probably even more exacerbated now with people’s rampant internet habits.
Four Year Itch: You could wake up one day and be stricken, so be prepared. You’ll hear compliments less, your eyes might wander (natural). If you’re with someone for this long, you might want to talk about what you need to stick around. Match says there could be a biological explanation for it.
Seven Year Itch: Same as above. People say other things have seven year turn arounds- allergy cycles for instance. You could become allergic to your mate and fantasize about how the grass is greener.
Ten and a half Year Itch: Same as above that, except you’re even older now. Divine Caroline puts another spin on it.
See what you have to look forward to? It’s good to be aware of these things so you can do some self navigation on your own course. It’s great to know it’s normal and you’re totally not the only one.
Just remember to make sure to keep turning yourself on: be excited about what you look like and about the things you do. When you think about yourself, always be able to ask “Who is that fine bitch?”.
I leave you with this lil ditty from Color Me Badd.
So, again tick tock, y’all.
<3 “T” from:
“A” is working through her Saturn Return. Got any stories about your’s or any of these other phases?