Friends, because I’ve now spent some time in the biz, (failed Wheel of Fortune contestant and all) I am now exposed to a whole new inner circle of emails. Just yesterday, I was invited to an exclusive New Year’s party, happening on December 6th, 7th and 8th. It sounds pretty promising. You’re probably asking yourself, “How do I get into this exclusive party?” Well first there are some hoops.
First, though, take a look in the mirror. Do you like what you see? Maybe head over to /r/RateMe and get an objective opinion. Do you think you’re hot enough for this party? I apologize if I’m coming off a little Robertson Blvd. right now, but I want to spare your feelings.
This will go a lot faster if I give you a temporary pass into the inner circle, but DON’T SHARE THIS WITH ANYONE. Seriously, let’s keep this readership to you, me and the people that find this blog searching for “Britney Spears wardrobe malfunction.”
This email was sent to me from a fella with the last name Beinamovie. Guessing French.
WOW… do we have a cool and interesting TV Special you can be in – coming up in a few weeks.
The producers are Looking for the HOTTEST girls & guys, only ages 18-28 (oh well, that leaves
me out…lol) to be part of the BIGGEST Annual New Years Eve show on TV.
Only the very TOP names in music will be performing LIVE concerts at this exclusive event!
Past Artists have included Robin Thicke, Pitbull, The Black Eyed Peas, Justin Bieber, Selena
Gomez, Flo Rida, Karmin & Brandy.
Just some of this years Artists will include Jason Derulo, Florida Georgia Line, Selena Gomez
Robin Thicke, Fergie, Capital Cities, Enrique Iglesias & believe me, A LOT more groups are added
and being booked daily!
For your possible chance to attend and be part of the TV Party of the Year- and see yourself on
National TV- you must respond to this – By email, with your name, age phone number & a current,
WHOLE BODY photo of yourself (fully clothed, please). Must be height/weight proportionate.
You MUST come dressed in Hot Club Attire- both Men & Women- NO EXCEPTIONS.
The available dates are Friday December 6th, Saturday December 7th & Sunday, December 8th.
These are daytime shoots.
Come for only one day, two days- or all three days- your choice. Please let us know which day(s)
you would like to attend in your email, along with your photo. We’ll let you know in about 10 days
who gets the winning tickets to be on set and in the Special along with these Awesome Music Groups.
Free food, plus CASH prizes & New Years hats & blowers- and everyone will be on camera!
Don’t miss out on the HOTTEST party of the year, spaces are going to fill up FAST, so act now…
(This one’s REALLY going to be fun!)
I’m going to help this guy out because I feel like he is fishing in a sewer. I’ve seen Baywatch, Three’s Company and BOTH 90210s, but let’s get real. Those people aren’t here. I look around my home city of Santa Monica and all I see are jagoffs with sweater vests and Taco Bell wrappers sticking out of their shorts pockets. I met an attractive person in a meeting once but she was visiting from Nebraska. I asked her if she planned on moving to LA and she said “Ew.”
So, I don’t know what to tell you Bobby Beinamovie. I’m going to try to give you the LA Snark bump, but don’t set your expectations too high. The most I can guarantee is that two food bloggers might show up to take pictures of the free appetizers, and maybe a couple of those Britney searchers will show up to check out the “hats & blowers,” but that is it. You could bus ten or so attractive people in from Anaheim, but they will all have weird tattoos and I’m not sure how far the network wants to push the envelope. I’m trying to think of more resources for you to pull from, but this email has reminded me what a filthy, disgusting creature I am, so I am going to hop in the shower really quick. My best ideas come to me in the shower though, so… BRB
Okay I thought of someone. Daisy Fuentes. I can’t confirm that she’s still in LA, but according to Wikipedia she had a house in the Hollywood Hills in 2003. She probably moved though, that would make sense. Either way, here’s what you do. You call Daisy and you say,
“Hey, Daisy, big fan, really. Posters on the wall and everything. Wanted to invite you to a party. There will be free food and blowers. Miley’s friend in the striped suit will be there. Justin Bieber’s ex-girlfriend will be there. Jason Derulo will be there. (Whatcha say?) I SAID JASON DERULO WILL BE THERE. Hoping you can make it. If you’re coming from outside LA I can have a car pick you up at LAX.”
I think it’s worth a shot. From what I remember, Daisy Fuentes loves to party. Maybe give her a mic to carry around so she feels comfortable. There’s a probably a whole mob of Fuenteses that she could bring with her. Fill this party with Fuenteses! Who’s going to change the channel to Carson Daly when there’s a gang of Fuenteses on channel 4?
Hold on, there’s a woman outside introducing her dog to a squirrel, I gotta check this out.
I can see how the owner thought that would probably be pretty cute but that dog looked pissed.
Whoa now, Daisy Fuentes is 46 years old? Well apparently a 46-year-old Daisy Fuentes is too old for ageist party planner Bobby Beinamovie. I’m sorry, I can’t recommend any hot Angelenos 28-years-old or under. First of all, I’ve already established that there’s nothing but a bunch of shadow-lurking mirror breakers in this city, and second of all, I would never admit to remembering the name of anyone under 28 years old.
If you would like to attend this party, shoot an email to info@BeInAMovie.com
That said, here is a full body shot of me. Thank you for your consideration.