If you’re wearing one of these shirts, DD #2 will find you.
DD is not one of The Ramones
You probably think of giant boobs when you hear “Double D-s” (or maybe Dungeons & Dragons comes to mind for you). Let’s change that.
This year, you’re getting spared the acronym joke of VD, Valentine’s Day vs. Venereal Disease.
DD #1
Douche Detector
I was reading recently about an iPhone app that helps detect ghosts. I’m all for supernatural and occult research, but what we really need in LA is a Douche Detector app. Would love to hold my phone out at a bar and have it beep within a foot of offenders so I can walk the other way.
Let’s see, how would it detect? Olfactory senses perhaps – too much hair product, scent of other women’s nether regions, anyone got other ideas?
DD #2
Default Dude
This is what you call the friend of the guy your friend is hooking up with. Here’s the situation- you’re the wing woman to your friend. She meets a guy who’s out with his roommate or friend. You go back to their place.
It’s past 2 a.m.. Your friend is off doing gawd knows what with her guy. You’re stuck with the other guy. He’s cute enough for your beer goggles. You commence acts of faux amore with said guy. This is the Default Dude.
DD, eat this:
DD #3
Dick Demerit
This is when your friend does stuff because she’s dick whipped.
You’ve been spending all your gas money for years driving your friend around, and finally you ask her one favor- however she won’t pick you up at your car dealership when you’re getting your vehicle serviced five minutes away (while she’s laying around your house because she’s crashing there for a month), but she’ll drive car-less dude she’s been screwing to the valley for an interview. She gets a Dick Demerit.
Your friend hoards food when you’re eating out together and won’t share with you and whips out the calculator app at the end of the meal, but she’ll take the broke dude she’s screwing out to eat and cover whatever he wants, including alcohol. She gets a Dick Demerit.
If the only time your friend spends with you is when the dude she’s screwing is at band practice or out screwing some other chicks and she’s waiting for him to come home, your friend gets a DD #3.
If you invite your friend out to fab parties and she says “I’m not really that social of a person” but then goes to all of some douche’s band gigs and “likes” every frickin’ one of this dude’s Facebook updates, she gets a Dick Demerit.
After so many Dick Demerits, your friend gets cut off and you go have fun with your more sensible self respecting female friends.
Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone, and remember–
We should invent a DD together- saves time, saves effort, great for the environment…
Be wary when hooking up with a DD when you’re bored.
Don’t rack up too many DD-s or else your friends with brains will get bored of you.
Don’t motor-boat too many sets of DD-s either, k?
x T
