One of our names begins with T and the other with A – we’re a magical combo representing the front and the back, the best of both worlds, the humps and the lumps. We’re women with similar life paths, who came to Los Angeles ages ago and earned our stripes looking for love among the Hollywood hipsters. We are here to share what we’ve learned with you, with the charm of Southern gals and the smarts of city vixens.
A has dated so many LA guys that she couldn’t come close to naming them all, and sometimes doesn’t recognize them in public.
T has managed not to kill her boyfriend, somehow.
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The T Side:
“Are older women with younger men the new normal?”
Yes, according to sociologist Pepper Schwartz at The University of Washington and Dr. Sandra Caron at The University of Maine.
Last month, celebrity relationship news broke that hunky-dory 30-year-old Ryan Gosling was getting serious with a new someone special. He just can’t ever date anyone his own age or younger, although you can’t blame him for saying yes to 38-year-old Eva Mendes. He’s among the legions of young LA men who seem to prefer women five, seven or more years their senior. There’s Ashton Kutcher, Justin Timberlake, Nick Cannon – you’ve no doubt heard of their couplings.
Older women and younger men – is it becoming more common? When I was 17 and starting college, my friends and I used to date townies in their mid to late 20s. We rarely cavorted with people our age, and it was taboo to go out with boys that were younger. That was and is still the norm, it seems – there’s no shortage of old guys who hit on barely legals at the club (Matthew McConaughey in Dazed & Confused, anyone?) Those guys we dated are still in that college town, falling off of the same bar stools. They used to seem so alluring, so much more experienced and learned … times have changed and the tables have been turned.
Somewhere around 25, everything switched. Younger boys started to have this cute puppy thing about them. Maybe that was when everyone I grew up with was getting more serious and this was a form of defiance against adulthood – it was really nice being with someone without any expectations whatsoever. The trend stuck and I’ve been with a guy for half a decade who’s more than half a decade younger than me. I never would’ve guessed it’d work out that way, since I saw him as a boy toy when we first met. Cute as ever and he pursued me – what was there not to like? This seems to be a common experience now with female friends my age. I know a manager of musical acts who’s older- in her forties and gets 20-something action, ala the film Laurel Canyon. Oh, they’ve gone there – rocking the cradle of love and they like it. Billy Idol shouldn’t have all the fun.
Any of you ladies thinking of making the switch?
A did it too and it looks like it works great for her, but I’ll let her tell you herself about how all that went about …
The A Side:
T and I will have to agree to disagree on the hunky-doryness of Ryan Gosling – he showed up at my 25th birthday party at a downtown bar (who put him on the list?!) and while I admit he’s hot on film, in person he seems sleazy.
Speaking of my 25th birthday, that was six years ago. I’m now officially in my 30s and have experienced all the hallmarks of transitioning into that dreaded decade: crippling existential angst followed by a renewed sense of empowered self; an increasing concern for adult affairs like wealth-building, house-buying and offspring-bearing; and of course, a 10-pound weight gain I can’t seem to shake.
The weirdest part? I’m older and fatter, and the guys who are into me are younger than ever. More with it and more emotionally available, too. Just after turning 30, I dated a 22-year-old who gave me books and tickets to the symphony (the last time I dated a 22-year-old, I was a senior in high school and he gave me techno mixtapes). The 22-year-old was followed by a 24-year-old who took me out for our first date on Valentine’s Day. Not long after that, I met the guy who became my boyfriend. He’s smart, interesting, successful, kind, handsome, generally awesome. And he’s turning 25 this week.
I and a few other 30-plus friends have taken to calling ourselves “ocelots.” That’s because we’re too young and cute to be cougars, but certainly not immune to the pleasures of “dating down.” It’s not a perfect setup; I’ve broken up with younger guys for being, predictably, too immature. They aren’t very concerned with the aforementioned wealth-building, home-buying and offspring-bearing. But in all other aspects of date-ability, they’re blowing the old farts away.
Perhaps, with the wisdom of my advanced years, I’m just making better choices in men. Maybe my inner 21-year-old wants to date a well-adjusted guy her own age rather than the misguided older addict I was involved with at the time. Maybe I’m unconsciously fending off commitment by choosing guys too young to be serious candidates for it. In any case, it’s working for now. And I’ve got a 25th birthday to celebrate.
T’s addendum: Every time I’ve run into Mr. Gosling, who I refer to as “The Goz”, he’s been very kind. My friend Chuck states that he’s been “goslinged” – zapped so that he’d go gay once in his life for Mr. Gosling, who likes my dog.
Old farts, do you have anything to say for yourselves?
